Three Myths of Divorce

There is no one who has not been a witness to a friend, a relative or an acquaintance undergoing the trauma of divorce. The effects are already visible in the weakening social fabric. It has also given rise to a full fledged industry comprising of divorce related services.

Sociologists and psychologists alike are crying themselves hoarse about its detrimental effects to individuals and society as a whole. There is a need to address the issue after correctly understanding it. Numerous attempts have been made to analyse the issue and yet innumerable myths abound. Some of them are:

1. Women Suffer More Emotional Baggage than Men after Divorce: When it comes to difficult situations women are stronger than men in most matters. Also, more women than men initiate divorce. For most it is a well thought out, willful decision. They must be going over it for months and thus are better prepared for the consequences than men most of who are taken by surprise.

A lot of women opt for it as the only way of escaping the pain, compromise and probable abuse they have been bearing. They are much more satisfied and happy than when they were in the relationship. Most women gain child custody after divorce and they are in much better mental health and busy taking care of children than the father who comes back to an empty house.

2. After Divorce Men are Eager to Marry While Women are Not so Keen: Men and women are equally lonely after divorce and looking for support and companionship. In fact women seek the support and security of a committed relationship more than men do.

The reason statistics show more men than women getting hitched is because most women are with their children, are financially worse off than earlier. They are busy taking care of their children and working to make sure they have enough financial resources. They do not have the time or the opportunity to socialize.

The fact that most men do not want to get involved with women with children also poses a problem in finding a suitable mate. Having recently burnt their hands in one relationship and hence are more careful before committing for the next one.

Men on the other hand are free, have no one at home and hence have more socializing opportunities. Also, their new found single status and financially stability (if it is there) attracts prospective partners. If it is the wife who has asked for divorce then there are chances that he is nursing a bruised ego. This leads him to get into a relationship on a rebound in an attempt to regain his lost confidence in himself. Hence, there are more chances of men marrying after divorce.

3. Ex Spouses are Always Hostile and Angry: This is not always the case. To a great extent it depends on the circumstances leading to divorce. In case the divorce has been with mutual consent then there are lesser chances of there being much bitterness. At time ex spouses can be good friends.

Also, there is a whole lot of support system in place in the form of solicitors, counsellors and mediators. The solicitor advises and negotiates the best bargain possible for you in terms of divorce settlement and custody of children.

Mediators are there to guide you and make sure that there is no unpleasantness involved in the whole process. They try and keep the whole interaction very civil and decent. . Mediators also help you work together as parents for the children after divorce.

The counselors give therapy to maintain the mental well being of the spouses and guide them as to how best to deal with the situation. They make you aware of the various options available to you and try to control the stress levels of the partners. All this makes sure that the situation does not turn hostile for either of the partners.

A lot of times spouse show aggression and hostility during and immediately after the divorce period. This behaviour towards the spouse lasts until they settle down in their new lives and get used to the situation. Couples also keep in touch and do things together as a family like going for a holiday for the sake of the children.

There are no hard and fast rules for how situation turns out for couples after divorce. There is no common pattern of bahaviour that they follow. There are examples of every kind of reaction towards divorce. Hence, it is not advisable to make generalised statements regarding divorce.