Is Fear of Divorce a Valid Reason Not to get Married

People who are scared of getting married because of genuine fears are usually the ones who end up with happy and stable marriages. Deciding to not to get into a committed relationship because of a valid fear certainly makes a good beginning, but ironically it is not sufficient to make a complete story with a happy ending. It is not enough just to be scared. The main challenge before us is to look deep into the heart of that fear.

Fear is Natural

If a person is scared to get married, it is indicative of the fact that he/she is definitely a responsible individual and deep down wants his/her married life to be happy and long lasting. We are scared of loosing only those things which we value and cherish. So if you are scared of marriage, then the underlying need for a positive and stable relationship is already there. Taken in this context, it is very natural to be scared.

Children are scared of the dark because of their inability to see through it. The imaginary ghosts and demons lurking in the darkness give them sleepless nights. Isn’t your problem more or less the same? What you need to do is to think and meditate on your fear and come to a realistic conclusion about what a stable married life means to you?

Fear: A Good Motivator but a Bad Master

Fear could infact be one of the best motivators. It makes us go beyond our potential and expectations and brings out the best in us. However, if allowed to grow beyond a certain limit, fear has the capacity to make our everyday life, a virtual hell. If you sincerely want to stay single, nothing wrong with it. But, staying away from marriage because of a fear of getting divorced is certainly too much. Fear is often not the right excuse to shirk the important task of living a wholesome life. Fear may exaggerate your expectations of failure beyond realistic levels.

Almost all the students are afraid of not doing well in exams. Then, should they dropout of schools and colleges, to avoid failure? Should the sailors stop going to the sea because of a fear of getting drowned? Should the cops stop patrolling the cities because of a fear of getting killed? Should the women stop giving birth to children because of a fear that they may grow up to be thugs and criminals? And should people stop getting married because they are scared of high divorce rates? Perhaps now you see the hollowness of your fears. Life is a challenge to be lived, a wonderful experience to be enjoyed, not a problem to be avoided because of our deep seated fears.

Marriage is a Wonderful Institution

The warmth and satisfying sense of companionship that a marriage can bring to a relationship cannot be matched by anything else. Solemnization of our intentions to stay faithful and committed can often stabilize our lives beyond imagination. And I am saying this not after reading a fairy tale. Infact I was myself a person who once adamantly wanted to stay single throughout his life. Now after marrying my long time girlfriend, I often laugh at the ridiculousness of my past stubbornness. If the divorce rates are skyrocketing then there is also no dearth of couples who are happily married. So why not focus on the positive side of life instead of giving in to our fears.

Let the Fundamentals be Right

If I say that married people are free from disappointments, then I would be lying. Conflicts, heated arguments and differences are an integral part of any marriage. However if the fundamentals behind a marriage are right, it can endure any storm. Successful marriages are often based on compatibility, communication and trust. A sense of honesty and sensitivity on the part of both the spouses can often work wonders for a marriage. Like any other relationship, marriage is not a static arrangement. People grow up and evolve with time. However if both the spouses are willing to shun their emotional laziness and lack of initiative, then there is no reason that a marriage should not last. So cheer up! Marriage is almost as much vulnerable to failure as any other substitute or alternative you decide to go for.